(NSFW) Joke thread, come and post your jokes here

[WadeTheWise]

wade you forgot to put the moral of the purple fuzz story:
look both ways before you cross the street

i've been known to tell this type of joke myself... and for some reason, when i have a new joke, none of my family or friends wants to hear it :tongue:

I this is a joke based mostly off one a roomate of mine would always tell. The whole point of the story is the fact that there is no point. I think the joke is a lot funnier when it's actually told and acted out a bit, but it's still fun to spen almost an hour typing it out, then having multiple people spend 5 minuutes reading it, it still accomplishes ists purpose..to waste time.

But please, do share you're versions of the joke, enlighten us clubchick

 

[precocious]

Two elephants are taking a shower. One says, "pass the soap". The othe says, "no soap, Radio!" LOL

 

[precocious]

I this is a joke based mostly off one a roomate of mine would always tell. The whole point of the story is the fact that there is no point. I think the joke is a lot funnier when it's actually told and acted out a bit, but it's still fun to spen almost an hour typing it out, then having multiple people spend 5 minuutes reading it, it still accomplishes ists purpose..to waste time.

But please, do share you're versions of the joke, enlighten us clubchick

Wade, you must learn to type faster! Oh, youth is wasted on the young, time is money ! :money:

 

[WadeTheWise]

Wade, you must learn to type faster! Oh, youth is wasted on the young, time is money ! :money:

I'm no fast typer, but I plink out around 40-50 wpm, which isn't very slow either. The majority of the time typing was tryiong to think of what more to put the poor guy through.

As for "youth is wasted on the young", I say wisdom is wasted on the old

 

[precocious]

I'm no fast typer, but I plink out around 40-50 wpm, which isn't very slow either. The majority of the time typing was tryiong to think of what more to put the poor guy through.

As for "youth is wasted on the young", I say wisdom is wasted on the old

That's where the senility comes in to play, you're wise now but the body can not keep up with the wisdom, so the mind chooses to forget, I think, it's hard for me to remember.

 

[precocious]

"I plink out around 40-50 wpm, which isn't very slow either. "

Son, try 90+ on a selectric, then talk to me........

 

[WadeTheWise]

Son, try 90+ on a selectric, then talk to me........

Hence this.

I'm no fast typer.

 

[precocious]

I'm no fast typer, but

Honey haven't you heard, 'but' negates it all...........don't you watch Oprah????

 

[WadeTheWise]

Honey haven't you heard, 'but' negates it all...........don't you watch Oprah????

Honestly try to avoid that woman at all costs. I'd rather watch Dr. Phil, which isn't saying much.

 

[crisplinen]

i dont get ur elephant jokes and that purple fuzz joke was ...

 

[Apocalypse716]

hey, where are the jokes ? I click on the link expecting to find some "statement" and i end up wasting a minute reading purple fuzz and this nonsense of wpm? I sense an off topic post here (or quite a few), just like this post....

 

[WadeTheWise]

hey, where are the jokes ? I click on the link expecting to find some "statement" and i end up wasting a minute reading purple fuzz and this nonsense of wpm? I sense an off topic post here (or quite a few), just like this post....

A horse walks into a bar and the bar tender says, "hey, why the long face?"

And isn't this whole forum supposed to be about off-topic discussion anyway?

 

[Apocalypse716]

Thats the overall generalized theme of the forums, but each forum should contain relevant data

eg: A forum with the title "Computer help" shouldn't contain information about your Easter vacation.....

 

[WadeTheWise]

Thats the overall generalized theme of the forums, but each forum should contain relevant data

eg: A forum with the title "Computer help" shouldn't contain information about your Easter vacation.....

eg a thread titled "Joke Thread, come and post your jokes here" should not contain posts about forum etiquette

Now for the joke:

How'd the gum cross the road?

It was on the chicken's foot!

 

[precocious]

Can't we all just get along..........?

Happy, happy, happy

 

[WadeTheWise]

Can't we all just get along..........?

Happy, happy, happy

all in fun, all in fun

I was just having fun bantering back and forth. I wasn't taking anything personally, nor making any serious attacks on anyone else. Like you say, "ALl in fun" Or perhaps "Can't we all just get along" was the joke. Haha.

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Interrupting cow

Interupting c..

MOO!!

 

[precocious]

.

 

[WadeTheWise]

Q: Why did the first monky fall out of the tree?
A: He died.

Q: Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
A: He was stapled to the first monkey.

Q: Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
A: Peer pressure

 

[crisplinen]

CHEM JOKES

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?"
"You mean aspirin?" asked the pharmacist. "That's it, I can never remember that word."



1st Atom: I think I lost an electron
2nd Atom: Are you sure?
1st Atom: I am positive!


Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems?
A: They have all the solutions.

Q. What do you do when you find a dead chemist?
A. Barium.



Rules of the Lab
1) If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
2) When you don't know what you're doing, do it neatly.
3) Experiments must be reproducible, they should fail the same way each time.
4) First draw your curves, then plot your data.
5) Experience is directly proportional to equipment ruined.
6) Always keep a record of your data. It indicates that you have been working.
7) To do a lab really well, have your report done well in advance.
8) If you can't get the answer in the usual manner, start at the answer and derive the question.
9) In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
10) Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
11) Teamwork is essential, it allows you to blame someone else.
12) All unmarked beakers contain fast-acting, extremely toxic poisons.
13) No experiment is a complete failure. At least it can serve as a negative example.
14) Any delicate and expensive piece of glassware will break before any use can be made of it.

 

[WadeTheWise]

Disclaimer:
These two jokes rely mostly on how they're told and how much the person telling them is laughing. So picture a fat jolly man <not santa, more like a happier rush limbaugh> trying to force these jokes through his laughter.

LOL
Somebody ask me if I'm an orange
LOL

WadetheWise, are you an orange?

LOL
NOPE!!!!
LOL LOL

Q: What's the difference between a duck?
LOL
A: One of it's feet are the same.
LOL LOL LOL