Hello Friends, Visitors,
I greet you today with a heavy heart.
An ex-boyfriend of mine died this morning.
He was 45y/o and his current girlfriend told me he died in his sleep. An autopsy will of course tell whatever happened.
However, I come to you all, friends and visitors, to say this.
Make the most of everyday.
Smell the air, enjoy the breeze, the cold, the sunshine. Smile at a stranger, say hello, goodbye, please and thank you. Say I'm sorry, Say I love you, Call someone and ask how they are, offer to listen, show you care.
My ex was a wonderful man, and a he had such a caring, loving, giving heart. You may ask, if he was all of this then why was he my ex?
I will answer that freely. He was my ex simply because I wasn't mature enough to accept or give what was wanted nor needed for him. However we remained very good friends. He was the type of guy that you could depend on. He was always there to listen, give advice, no matter how much I disagreed. He was right most of the time, though I wouldn't say so.
He had the most beautiful laugh, and sense of humor. In a nutshell, he was simply, beautiful.
I was in his compay last week. It was a wonderful, that last time with him. We smiled together, joked together, and had Pizza Hut together. May sound simple, but we shared much more. We shared smiles, and laughter, and words, these things I will now hold dear. Remember them I shall, along with the bad. The times he pissed me off. The days when we fought. The hang ups, the don't call me no mores. All of it, I would change nothing, because that would be to change him, to change what we shared.
I finally cried, I went to his home and his current g/f let me in.
Then it was so real to me, the sadness in her eyes, the pain in her voice.
I could only embrace her in my arms.
I wanted so much to take her pain away.
As I looked around, I spotted his jacket, the one he always wore.
It was hanging on the back of a dining room chair, like always.
It was then I realized, he'll never wear that jacket again, I'll never hug him again.
I will never smell him, nor see his smile, nor hear him laugh, shout or cry.
The phone won't ring from him ever again.
He will never again, call me and say, "Hey babe, I'm out front"
It was then that my heart began to ache.
My tears form and, my eyes become too heavy.
My sunglasses couldn't shield my tears.
My face betrayed my loss.
As I walked to the car, I felt burdened, heavy, pressed upon.
The knowledge that my friend is gone, pressed upon me.
Only when I had reached the inside of the car, did I cry.
I cried all the way home, I cried as I called family and friends.
I cry now as I type. I cry for my friend, I cry for me.
I again ask of you all.
Enjoy today, everyday as if it were you last.