I am heartbroken..pls forgive me if i vent.

[MrsK2002]

If you all look at my avatar,it shows a photo of my beautiful 2 year old granddaughter,Madison.She is my oldest daughter's only child.I have never met Maddie because my daughter cannot live on her own for some reason and therefore lives with my ex-husband's mom.Ever since my daughter found out she was expecting,my ex's mom for some odd reason had developed this deep hatred for me,and put a stop on me ever talking to MY daughter and future grandchild.My daughter even went along with this woman.
But i am a grandmother to a 2 year old curly haired carrot top girl.And even though i have never met this beautiful child,my heart and soul fell in love with her.I would basically do anything for this little doll.
My daughter is 23 years old.Not a very good mom because her priorities are backwards.She would rather go to the bar and drink,than spend time with her child,which is supposed to be her world and should come first.The baby absolutely LOVES her mama.It shows in the photos i get from my middle daughter.
But...i don't know what happened,but here i am sitting here with a huge lump in my throat because i am half in tears as i write this,but my daughter lost custody of the baby because she left home to live with her boyfriend.This is what i have been told from my daughter who lives with me in Florida.
This deeply disturbs me that my ex's mom has custody of Maddie.She shouldn't have custody of this baby period.The resaon she should not have the baby is she has a severe bipolar disorder and get extremely violent when she is not on her meds.I know this is true because she tried to break my rear window in my car out with a plumbers wrench as my husband and i were sitting in it.She also tried running us off the road with her pickup truck,and has threatened to blow my head off with a loaded shotgun she keeps at home in a closet.
Now thats not all.Her son,my childrens father is a registered sex offender.He is not supposed to have contact with children under the age of 16.This woman and my daughter let him babysit my granddaughter when they need to run errands.I was FURIOUS when i found this out.AND...to top it off...my childrens father is on probation for failing to register as a sex offender when he recently moved.
My youngest daughter called Protctive Services on my daughter and made a complaint recently.This is the second time PS has been at my daughter's home.My youngest daughter plans on calling them also.I don't think those people(ex MIL) are mentally stable enough to take my grandaughter.
I am not working right now and would love to take her as my own child.We have enough room,and enough love to teach her what needs to be taught.Like getting her out of diapers and potty training her,reading to her and so forth.
Thanks for letting this broken heart grandma vent.
Mrs K~~~aka Dianne

 

[ULTIMATEgrafx]

I know it's a hard road, but you have just as much of a right to file for custody of her since the other grandmother has her right now, you have a pretty strong case and I would say you would only need a lawyers advice, not a lawyer, it's not a hard thing to defend yourself in court and most J&D courts have preset standards to follow anyway, with the conditions the baby is in, you may even be able to file for an emergency protective order and have her right away, I would think it is certainly a situation to file for that on the baby's behalf since mom is nowhere to be found, I wish you luck, I went through this for years with my oldest, we'll keep you in our prayers

 

[tigger_too_wooh]

I completely agree with the above and whole-heartedly support you in fighting not only for your rights but for the safety of your grandchild!

The first step is to call *someone* who can do *something*. DCFS, Police, a lawyer... someone will be able to put you on the right path to protect your granddaughter!

My prayers and best wishes are with you!

 

[MrsK2002]

Thanks all.But i talked with my mom who just said for me and my daughter to NOT get involved in it.She said even if ex-MIL has some major issues going on,the baby is fine where she is.Excuse me???It sounds as if my mom is siding with ex's mom.I am really confused on what to do.My mom and i had a conversation about Maddie.No Maddie has never met me,grandma,but she knows my daughter Nikki whom the baby loves to pieces.
I do know that my ex-MIL is going through some serious stuff in her life.She is going through a divorce and her whole attitude has gotten worse.She has been going to the bars with my daughter and sometimes she up and leaves,and asks my youngest to babysit and no one knows her where she is for a whole day.
Now i honestly don't know what to do.:worry: :verysad:

 

[ladymez]

WOW! Sounds like you are going through something similar to what we are going through and my heart totally goes out to you. Please allow me to suggest and point out a few things we have learned the hard way over the past year .... :argh: :frusty: :cussing:

1) As a grandparent, you most likely have some rights to visitation but those rights vary from State to State. When Tim (the dad involved) and his wife lived in Massachusetts and the kids were in State custody, the State agency (Department of Social Services) was mandated to allow our (lousy!) ONE freakin hour a month, supervised, but we were still grateful to be with the kids. There are certain guidelines, though (see #3)

2) There are free legal resources in each State where you may get advice for your circumstances. The American Bar Association may be a place to start. Here in New Hampshire, we have programs called the Legal Advice and Referral Center and Law Line, where Attorneys provide free legal assistance and advice.

3) One thing that could be a huge issue in your case, I'm sorry to write, may be the lack of a personal relationship with the child. The PC representatives or ex MIL's legal eagle may argue that it is not (as STUPID as this sounds!) in the best interest of the child to be allowed to visit with someone who is, in a sense, a literal stranger to her. (I'll save commentary for the sex offender till #4) It may be argued that this may be traumatic for the child.

4) I can't remember if you wrote that the sex offender is unregistered. If this is the case, report him immediately! He will probably be arrested and this is GREAT ammunition to use against your ex-MIL as it may show poor judgement. Also, it may raise the issue of her harboring a fugitive.

and finally

5) Unless you can prove that she is violent - and she is not currently taking her meds - it may not be admissable in any proceeding. We were lucky (?!) in that Tim had been arrested and detained (hospitalized) for domestic violence and two serious suicide attempts while not on meds for bipolar. Gather witness statements, photos of any damage, video, phone message recordings and anything else you can get your hands on. Also, keep a journal of all that is going on: dates, times, who said what to whom, places/people you've called for info. This will document your attempts of intervention and may also prove theraputic for your frustration.

My biggest peice of advice is to - please - ACT NOW, before the State does get involved. Believe it or not, it will probably be a whole lot easier. Once children become wards of the State you'll be so mired in red tape you'll be buried when it rolls you over! I was under it for 5 long months....

I searched online and found some links for info and support. Please know that my heart hurts for you and you will be in my prayers. Some of these kids deserve so much better than their lot in life. Although we can only play a nominal role in the lives of our grandchildren, hubby and I are taking classes to become certified Foster Parents, so that we may positively affect the life of another child in need. Good luck, God bless and please contact me if you want to vent some more ......:hug:
http://groups.msn.com/GrandparentsWithoutGrandchildren/

http://www.abanet.org/publiced/practical/visitation_grandparents.html

http://www.aarp.org/families/grandp...hips/a2004-09-01-grandparents-visitation.html

 

[annaapple]

No matter what anyone else tells you; you have the right to seek custody of your granddaughter; even if it is only temporary custody. Everyone has a right to voice their opinions as to why they feel the child is better off with them. Speak with someone now if you really want custody; otherwise, find out what the visitation rights for grandparents are in your state. Your granddaughter has the right to know her grandma too.

 

[MrsK2002]

Thanks everyone for the input.

 

[MrsK2002]

Well here is the thing.She is two years old and loves just about everybody she comes into contact with.And yes,i feel that this little girl has the right to know she has a grandma..(not great-grandma) who even though has never had the opportunity to meet her,loves her very much.
My middle daughter who has been with this little girl since birth also lives with me,so Maddie would not be with complete strangers.My daughter had basically taken over as a second mommy to the baby and had depleted her entire savings account to buy things for her such as diapers,formula and clothing for her.
My daughter knows for a fact that my ex-MIL cannot take care of her because she(ex-MIL) has a hard time walking,has emphysema really bad,and cannot support my granddaughter because she does not have any income.
My daughter has verification of all of this and can be proven.And as far as her unregistered sex offender father is concerned..she says his time as a free man will be coming to an end.
So my next step is going to see what kind of rights we have as blood relatives to the baby and see what we can do to get custody switched from ex-MIL to my daughter and i.Or maybe nothing can be done.Who knows.